What I'm giving up for Lent

LENT.  I don't typically take part in Lent...but it seems like this year everybody and their mama is talking about it!  People are giving up Facebook, sugar, TV, cussing, wine...basically anything that isn't easy for a person to give up. And, in case you didn't know, you are sacrificing this luxury in your life as a way to reflect upon the sacrifice Christ made for us on the cross.

No small feat!

I was trying to think about things I could give up for 40 days...knowing FULL well that my personality type is awful at giving things up.  I don't deny myself things I want very well :(  The only reason I've been successful with juicing for breakfast and lunch for so long is because I have tricked myself into thinking that I'm not NOT eating food...I'm treating myself to a luxurious all natural fruit/veg cocktail elixir of the gods!  Yep.

I got to thinking, and here are some things that I could give up for Lent:

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, that was me screaming like a crazy woman.  

Psheww.

It has been a MINUTE, you guys!  I am so sorry to be so absent.  I am here tonight, though, present and accounted for.  Though honestly I am just here to vent... :/  But I guess this entry can count as a little update to those of you back home (and a foray into my stressed out mind for everyone else).

Never in my life have things in my life been so positive AND negative at the same time.  I have been unleashing my usual arsenal on the negative stuff but it has been to no avail.  I'm doing all the yoga things, the praying things, the help others things, the positivity things...ain't NOthing working!  

I am desperate to get back on my path.  And the minute I think I am back in the saddle...a text or request comes through that triggers that nagging little storm cloud out from where ever it was hiding.  Grrr...  

Folks, from where I sit this is about 2 simple things.  #1 - I am being pulled in too many directions.  This is manageable.  And #2 - I am seriously wounded from unkind words from a friend that happened almost two months ago.  This is less manageable.  

Addressing #1.  I love my tribe so much.  You guys have no idea.  I have real love for you people.  But I can't go one day without one of the following sentences coming my way every 2-3 hrs:

"Help me with my project!"  "Be on my team!"  "You're missing out if you don't join!"  "Sorry, I'm gonna be late!"  "What are your results?"  "Are we meeting?"  "What's wrong with my account?"  "Can you fix this?"  "Why didn't you respond to my text?"  "Do they know where we're meeting?"  "How does that make you feel?"  "Do you know his/her email?"  "What did you mean by that?"  

OH MER GERD.  Shut up y'all!  Please know I said that with love.  But...shhh.  

I feel like I am so freaking inundated with being the helper/organizer/den mother/support system in others lives that I can't accomplish the stuff I REALLY will regret not accomplishing in life (i.e. calling my grandmothers; writing letters; cleaning my house; starting my hoop business; BREATHING; finding the love of my life y'all!).  Come on!  

Addressing #2.  And I'll tell you what...#2 is a direct reflection of #1.  I have been so busy being BUSY that I clearly lost track of my communication skills with this person I have managed to upset.  I won't go into specifics...but this person perceived my life in a way I've never had anyone perceive my life before.  And she told me about it.  And it hurt like nothing I've felt before.  Now, I am an active learner on planet earth.  I'm a good student...and I make sincere efforts to be the best version of myself.  If someone tells me I suck...I'm gonna figure out if there's something to this person's analysis and then go about the business of doing better next time.

But something about this particular situation has been so difficult.  I've overcome adversity and disagreement in friendships before.  Maybe it's because this attack came from a beloved member of my circle of sister-friends.  Maybe it's because it came so far out of left field to me.  Could BUSYness have blinded me so badly?  Am I really that hard to forgive?

Well, I tried to smooth things over...tried to apologize, move forward, and keep the relationship intact.  But my heart isn't in it anymore.  I keep trying to force my heart in it...and my heart is like, "Nope."  This miscommunication between myself and a person I considered a sister in friendship is a wound that won't heal.  I'm scarred by it and it makes me hold back with my other sisters.  And I don't know how to make things better.  :/  

Anyway, in the weeks coming up I have arranged some things to happen so that I can feel the love and friendship that's missing.  It's my hope that this will be the start of a new emotional direction for me.  I'm not giving up on my friends who need my attention...and I know deep down I am not giving up on my friend who isn't ready to forgive me and move on.  But I first need to make sure I'm not giving up on me.  Me is all I've got.

Thanks for listening.  Please leave your solutions to my life in the comments section.  

Much love,

Rebecca

PS...I won't be like this much longer...promise.  See - I'm having fun:

PPS...If you are my friend and you are concerned you might be in the category of people I mentioned who are encroaching on my sensitivity these days...please don't stop encroaching.  I do love you.  Just remember this entry, hug me, and make me laugh and drink coffee with me.  Thanks <3

Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it - because it does!

Hey!  Been a while my readers!  I've been happily boppin along here in Austin...life is good.  I hope you all are doing well :)

By far and away - the most amazing thing going on right now in my life are the two bible studies I am facilitating.  I have met some of the most amazing people...and I am having an incredible time growing and learning with these folks.  I am truly floored by the blessings God has given me through these friendships.  So happy.

Juicing is still going well too ;)

Down 40 lbs!

Work is trucking along...I survived my Improv showcase and I am enrolled in the next level class...I am about to engage in a full force Christmas Tamales sale campaign for my rotary club...
I can't complain :)

I want to share with you something cool I read that describes how I am feeling these days.  Then I'll show you some pics from life lately:

Sept. 6, 2013

My uncle Doug passed away this morning unexpectedly.  I'm not going to be able to get home for the funeral and the distance between Maryland and Texas is really hitting me today.  :/

Doug was a wonderful member of our family.  He always made me (and anyone else with a sense of humor) laugh and I never saw him upset, angry, or even in a bad mood!  He made my aunt very happy.  He was my dad's partner in crime growing up.

I will miss seeing him at holidays...I'll miss trying out his homemade wine...and I will be sad that someone special is missing from Mountaindale (one of the places I carry always in my heart).

I know he is in a better place now but I will miss him.  He was such an earthy person.  I know I will think of him every time I get the chance to get lost in those gorgeous Frederick county mountains.

32 is the new 22

Hey everyone - I feel like it has been awhile since I've said hi!

Hi!!  :)

I hope you are all doing well.  Life is going along here at a sweet pace.  It's a little strange to be honest.  It's like things are moving along like a happy, bubbly, little brook and I can't help but feel like a leaf floating downstream on my way to a larger body of water.  Is that weird?  It's the only way I can think to explain how I am feeling these days.  The feeling is good - it's refreshing and fun to feel you are being swept along in a cleansing element - the feeling is one I only last remember feeling in my early twenties.  It's like life is an open road and the possibilities are limitless.

So I'm saying things are good and exciting.  :)  And I can't shake the feeling that I am on my way to something bigger and better than I have ever dreamed.  It is a lovely feeling!  Maybe it's the juicing...maybe it's my age...I dunno.  I'm just relaxed and happy and content :)  Good stuff.

Here's a quick little update of what I've been up to and what's keeping me moving these days:

austin, tx - home sweeeeet home

Hey everyone,
I hope you are all well!  I have been on "stay-cation" this week and I spent my time off getting my new apartment allllll put together :)  This week was also my 32nd birthday!  Normally, I spend my birthday week engaging in a lot of fanfare and bar-hopping.  This year was a lot more quiet and subdued...and I liked it ;)

Please come on in and take a little tour of what makes this apartment "home" to me!

When you first walk in you have the option of going to the dining/kitchen area on the right or the living area on the left.  This space pictured above is supposed to be the dining room but I've turned it into my study/sewing/hoop making/reading/record player area.

Banking

Evening pardddners :)

How are you all doing?  I just wanted to touch base and share with you guys a little bit about a Women's Gathering I went to this past week at the Austin Stone church here in Austin.  It was so good :)

So, it was this past Tuesday - which just so happened to be a very rough day for me at work.  There was some coworker drama going on, I hadn't gotten enough sleep, and I was feeling super overwhelmed about the tasks that make up my job.  I came home feeling frustrated and about a million miles from good.  I made dinner for myself and ate it while trying to decide whether or not to go to the Women's Gathering after such a crappy day.  My sister had decided not to go with me so being on my own wasn't making things easier.  But finally, I made up my mind to go...and on the way I prayed a little prayer asking God to give me some comfort at this event because I sure hadn't gotten any comfort during the day :/

You guys recall that I am a banker, right? Well, I get myself up to the event, grab a seat, and the speaker reveals the topic of the message.  It was on the topic of...

BANKING.

Yeahhhhh...this banker who'd spent the previous 8 hrs being extremely frustrated at her banking job perked her pretty little ears right up.  ;)